Do You Wake Up Next to Your Business Partner?
What running a real estate business with my husband taught me, and what I still believe six years later.
I originally wrote this article in 2020, when Mark and I were running our own real estate agency together.
At the time, we were also working from home, navigating COVID, spending an enormous amount of time together and trying to make sensible business decisions while the world was slightly unhinged.
I reread the article recently and expected parts of it to feel dated and surprisingly, most of it didn't.
The business has changed, our lives have changed and we no longer own that real estate agency.
But the lessons about going into business with your life partner still hold up.
Mark and I first went into business together in 2012 when we moved overseas. Years later, we did it again in Australia.
So, is going into business with your husband, wife or partner a smart move?
For us, yes.
But there are some things I wish every couple understood before they decide that sharing a mortgage, a life and a Netflix account isn't quite enough and perhaps they should share a business as well.
Your Business Is Greedy & Demanding
The business will become all-consuming if you let it.
Running a business with your spouse is exciting and there are a million things to think about, but it can quickly become the only topic of conversation and eventually you forget what else you used to like to talk about.
Mark and I used to talk about our business non-stop and eventually got to the point where we had to set boundaries and create “no-work zones” such as the gym. He was not interested in hearing about the changes I had made to the website while he was halfway through a bench press.
Set boundaries. It is important to make time for normal relationship things, like spending a day out together or having a meal without talking shop.
Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Have some formality around when and how business discussions take place and respect each other’s boundaries and work style. It’s awesome if you’re at your best at 4:30am but your business partner may not be!
Create some loose “work” hours and appreciate that your partner’s energy cycles might be different to yours and just because you see him sitting on the couch doesn’t mean he wants to be interrupted for his opinion on a marketing flyer which happens to be the most important priority for you at that very second.
“Got A Minute” interruptions are annoying in a real-world office, and it applies when it’s just the two of you as well.
Working from home adds a whole other dimension to maintaining separate workspaces but for partners that work from an office rather than their house, try to divide it into separate areas.
You each need your own distinct space and there may be times when you don’t see other during the day. That’s ok!
There’s No Room for Ego
It’s not about who gets the credit. The right thing to think about is “how do we scale this business”, “how do we lead our team”, “how do we serve the customer.”
Focusing on who gets the credit is focusing on the wrong thing.
It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. Bickering and making a stand is only wasting time and will make home life miserable too.
Stop and ask - Am I actually upset by something that is happening in the business or is this fuelled by ego? Is this an emotional reaction?
Pick your battles and don’t sweat the small stuff.
If You Aren’t Making Money Then All You Have Is A Hobby
Maintaining a household budget and controlling personal finances can sometimes be over-whelming. Throw in another budget, bank account, box of receipts and it will be challenging to be across both your personal and business financial affairs.
BUT, you are both equal partners and should have a sense of where your business finances sit, even if you don’t get pumped up by a P&L or accounting principles.
You both wear the Owner Hat and Operator Hat. Being aware of your cash, debt and liquidity situation as the Operator of the business ensures you can make sound decisions for your employees and growth of the business.
As the Owner, you want to know that you are making a return on your investment and meeting your legal obligations.
And whatever you do, please, please, do not ever mix personal and business finances!
It is tempting to use the business debit card “just once because I didn’t have my other card on me when I was at the supermarket” but don’t do it! That behaviour quickly becomes a habit, and you will fall down a whole other rabbit hole.
Good Things Do Happen
Spending date night focusing on everything that could go wrong with the business is not healthy, productive or fun. You can spoil a lovely two hours at a restaurant by talking about problems, people and issues.
Try to find as much good in the business as there are problems. See the things that are working well and recognise them. Force yourself to see the good things otherwise you will be overwhelmed by the issues.
Every time your business gets to a new level, there will be new problems so learning how to balance them when you’re small will hold you in good stead for the future when you are a larger enterprise.
Change Your Lens
Most people have a different persona in the office to home. The person you see on a Saturday without make-up, slopping around in gym gear and wearing Uggs was probably holding hundreds of people captive at a business conference yesterday or recently negotiated a major deal between industry titans.
You know that your partner is successful at their job, but you rarely get to see them in action. You only know them as Mum or Hubby or Domestic Goddess.
Be open-minded and ready to see your partner in a professional capacity and be amazed at their talent and skills that you may not even realised were there.
Stay in Your Own Lane
Understanding each other’s strengths and weaknesses so that you can maximise those strengths and minimise weaknesses is critical to any successful business partnership, not just a husband-wife duo.
It seems strange given you’ve probably spent years with this person and think you know them inside and out. But take the time to learn about how each person ticks professionally. What are they good at? What do they enjoy doing? What drains them of energy?
Who is the practical operator? Who is the creative dreamer? One of you might be the Why and the other person is How.
Establish the lanes early, particularly job descriptions (even if it is just the two of you) otherwise you will each try to step in on another’s area because you both might have skills and talents that could go either way.
Success will come when each partner works on different aspects of the business and allows the other to use their own judgement.
Making sure each partner has distinct roles in the business will allow you to bring the best of yourselves to the business every day. You each need to have your own thing or you might undermine your partners and be continually adding your “two cents.”
Decide who wears which hat until you’re big enough to hire for those roles. Sales? Business Development? Financial Controller? Marketing Executive?
And get out of each other’s way!
Don’t Take Business Criticism Personally
Your partner’s criticism on the business is not a personal criticism of you or the way your making decisions or running the business. If your partner raises a problem with the business, it isn’t a personal indictment.
Yes, it is your baby, and you’ve poured your heart, soul, sweat and tears into it but create objective context and take on constructive criticism.
Create the Culture
Going from a husband-wife team working out of home to an office with employees is hard. You went into business together to free yourselves of the shackles of the corporate “work for the man” world and now you’re having to implement some of that structure yourself.
The first employee hire is critically important, and you should both be 100% on the same page with the hire. You’re probably hiring out of a place of pain and desperation and need technical help but don’t hire if you both don’t agree that the person is not a culture fit and won’t pass down the culture you have created for your company.
Represent your brand and values in how you behave and don’t hire people that don’t embody those values, no matter how badly you think you need them.
Culture is not about putting a plaque on the wall or having free jellybeans in the work kitchen, it’s about how people treat each other and the first employee will be the catalyst for spreading your culture throughout your organisation.
Behave Like Professional Adults
How do you constructively disagree with each other in front of your team? It is important to model conflict resolution in real time in front of your team but as professional business partners, not a squabbling husband and wife. It makes everyone uncomfortable to see Mummy and Daddy fighting and your team will lose respect for you both as leaders unless you get your sh*t together in public forums.
Addressing real time issues immediately with candour and “nip things in the bud” will set a good example to your staff and they will address issues in real time as well.
For the betterment of your relationship, you and your spouse need to become comfortable with wading into uncomfortable moments immediately, to avoid poisoning your day or week.
You still want to like each other when you go to bed and don’t need unsaid work issues festering away.
Your Team Needs to Trust You Indvidually
Employees need to see you both as individuals and trust you with confidential information. They won’t be open and disclose things if they think you will talk behind their backs.
Don’t go into meetings where topics are to be discussed as a team and decisions made collaboratively but you two have already discussed the matter over the breakfast table that morning and made up your minds.
Final piece of advice?
Show your partner some grace
Often, we will give that grace to our team but not our business partners, particularly if they are our spouse.
You’ve chosen to walk through life with this person, why not choose to look for the absolute best instead of seeing their perceived failures.
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